did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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