I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize