i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
