I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We talked him into tasing himself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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