No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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