i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
