Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
