You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize