I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
