put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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