Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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