I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
