i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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