fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
