I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
