you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
