im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
