i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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