Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize