Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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