I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
