An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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