i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
