Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
