i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
