im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
