Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
