does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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