I'm passing your future prison.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
