i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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