Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
