Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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