He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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