I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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