i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
