Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
