I wannas sexs uuuuu
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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