i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
