I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize