pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
