We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
