I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize