Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
