our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
