i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize