Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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