I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
