he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
