drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
