I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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