I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
