I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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