NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
