I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
