im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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