you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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