So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
