Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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