dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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