There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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