It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
