At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
