I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
