if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
