remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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