Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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