I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
