tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
