I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
