she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
