her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
