This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
