no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
