so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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