i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
