There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
