I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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