Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
