Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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