You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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