I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
