Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
