My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my liver is dry heaving
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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