yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
