he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
