Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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