you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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