OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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