i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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