a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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