from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
