Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
