how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
