I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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