i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
