well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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