upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
