another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
