Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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