ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize