Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
