if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
