Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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