how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
