He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
