Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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