I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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