It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
