the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
