just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize