3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
