The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize