i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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