I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
