I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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