i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
