Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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