I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
