So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize